Monday, June 27, 2022

1. The ’10s’ of Oxford — How Do Women In the Rest of the Country Stack Up

First things first — they don’t Next, let’s get the record straight. I was born, raised, and educated in New York City. My professional and personal lives have allowed me visit all fifty states and every major city in the country. While in college in Manhattan I lived in an apartment building filled with fashion models. I even dated a few before they dumped me.

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Is there a campus in the world with prettier students?

So, what does this all mean? For one thing it means I think I am fully qualified to comment about beautiful women. So I will. After moving to Mississippi in 1992 it didn’t take me long to come to an easy and obvious conclusion. The most beautiful women in the U.S. live in The Magnolia State. And the most beautiful of them all live in Oxford. Finishing the equation, the nation’s most stunning women can be found right here. That was easy. I realize I am telling you something you already know. It could be a freshman right out of Jackson Academy and her mom shopping for clothes. Maybe a grad student grabbing some coffee in The Square. Or a professor whose male students often find it tough to focus on the day’s lesson. These women turn heads. They form lasting impressions and wonderful memories. They make our day. What’s the comment most made by a man (and many women) after a first visit to Oxford? “Well, just when I thought I saw the most beautiful woman on the planet, five seconds later I saw someone better.” Life is so much fun.  It gives you things to look forward to.

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Alexis Anzallone is a Ole Miss Varsity Cheerleader and has an equally gorgeous, identical twin sister, Ashely! Hotty Toddy, girls!

Surely, a wise person knows that beauty is always in the eyes of the beholder. And physical beauty is only one factor that makes a woman truly stand out. Her intellect, the way she carries herself, her voice, her manners, the confidence she exhibits…they all complete the package. You can call these women of Oxford stunning. Or glorious. Or dreamboats. But when it comes down to it, they are 10s. So, how do women in some of the nation’s biggest cities and markets stack up to the 10s of Oxford?  If you are a 10 in your city, how do you rank in Oxford?  Here’s the rundown. 1. New York City: My hometown. Women can get very close to a 10. Some do. After all, NYC is the fashion center of the country, and the fact that 25 million people live within about an hour from Times Square means that by sheer numbers alone you will see amazing ladies. The area is where some of Hollywood’s most beautiful women were born. Stars like Scarlett Johannson, Olivia Wilde, Vanessa Williams, Rosario Dawson, and the remarkable Jennifer Connelly. They are true 10s and represent the rare exception. For the rest of them the reason they fall short of the 10 ranking has nothing to do with a lack of looks. It’s because almost every other sentence they speak includes an F-bomb. Trust me on this. It takes them down a notch. Some find it cute or even sexy. I think it’s worth a .5 deduction. Final Ranking: 9.5.

Pep Rally on the Square.  Photo by Kevin Bain/Ole Miss Communications
Moms are some of the most beautiful women in town.

2. Boston: The horrible and obnoxious accent alone is enough to make you cringe. Plus, the fact that Red Sox jerseys are considered a fashion statement and that they still take pride in Cheers reruns adds to deductions. Final Ranking: 6.

Oxford resident Gretchen Gregg
Oxford resident Gretchen Gregg

3. Washington D.C.: Political correctness impacts daily beauty decisions. You can’t look too great because someone, somewhere will be offended. Plus, taking the Metro in from Arlington during hot and humid summer months ruins the entire look before 9 A.M.  Final Ranking: 7. 4. Atlanta:  Because the traffic is so brutal around the clock, especially during morning rush hours, Altanta women find themselves applying makeup while driving. It just cannot be done properly. A bad start to what could have been a great day. Still, the city has some outstanding women. Final Ranking: 8.5.

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Homecoming queen Megan McBeth.

• Miami: After years being exposed to the sun and salty air, smooth skin becomes tougher than alligator hide. Plus, wearing 6” stripper heels of clear plastic ultimately ruins ankles and legs, so by the time they are 30 it’s sloppy flip flops for all occasions. Final Ranking: 5.

Dallas: The emotional toll of watching the Cowboys fall apart every year causes wrinkles under the eyes. And eating burritos twice a day chased by high calorie craft beers doesn’t help anyone’s figure. Final Ranking: 7.5.

Photo by Nathan Latil
The Square is where you’ll find some of the world’s most beautiful women.

Chicago: How can living through those cold winters all bundled up make you feel beautiful? No amount of cosmetics can help when your face freezes up ten seconds after walking out of your apartment. And what does a diet of beer, Italian sausages, and cheeses trucked in from Milwaukee do for a waistline? They try hard, but…. Final Ranking: 7

Denver: With all of those outdoor activities to help you stay in top shape, take a stroll downtown and you wonder how southern states always get ranked as being the most obese. And walking on crutches after getting drunk and trying to ski down a slope better suited for Lindsey Vonn just isn’t sexy. Final Ranking: 6.

Seattle: Dressed like burnouts from Woodstock and looking forward to volunteer work at the needle exchange clinic, these women just don’t have a chance. Final Ranking: 0.

Los Angeles and all of Southern California: Hit the beaches of San Diego and the streets of Beverly Hills and you will see headturners all day long. Problem is they contain more plastic than an 18-wheeler packed with Barbie dolls headed to a Toys R Us the week before Black Friday. Final Ranking: 5.

Thank you, women of Oxford, for setting the standard others strive for. Remember, as a 10 in Oxford, wherever you go in the country you are way off the charts. Way to go!

Guy

Steven J. Austin writes for entertainment, food, travel, sports, fitness, and business publications worldwide. He can be reached at worldwidewriterusa@gmail.com

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