Saturday, October 1, 2022

The Oxford, Mississippi Dictionary: Parkissist

photo 2Needed nomenclature for a growing community.

Editor’s Note: This is an installment in a series of blogs on new Oxfordisms.
When I traverse Oxford’s highways, byways, sidewalks, and barstools, I observe things that The Oxford English Dictionary doesn’t define. This dearth in accepted terminology leads to drawn-out explanations when referencing these phenomena. Our burgeoning community busts at its seams with growth, and so must our collective vocabulary.
So, I endeavor to begin a supplementary lexicon. This collection of terms will be known as The Oxford, Mississippi Dictionary*.
Here is another Square parking-related term to add to the vocab.


A person who feels narcissistically entitled to someone else’s parking spot and will back up to steal it. The parkissist is in a line of cars looking for spaces and has already moved past a spot, but then realizes someone is about to back out of the already-passed spot. Someone else is behind the parkissist and therefore is waiting in the appropriate position for the about-to-be-vacant spot, but the parkissist puts his or her car into reverse and backs up, in order to steal it from the person who deserves it. It does not enter the parkissist’s mind at all that he/she has already passed the spot and therefore should just accept the missed opportunity and move on. Nor does it enter their mind that they are backing up nearly all the way to the front bumper of the person who should rightfully be getting the spot, or that said person should get the spot.

Backing up to snag an about-to-be-open spot is acceptable if there are no other cars behind waiting for that spot, but a parkissist commits the backing up routine even when there is a line of cars behind.

— Tad Wilkes,
This is not a book. Yet.

Gawn gitcha.
Gawn gitcha.

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