Wednesday, August 10, 2022

17 Best Things About Being From the South

Let’s be real. Everything about being from the South is great, especially for us girls! Here’s a list of just 17 of those amazing reasons why we’d never live north of the Mason Dixon.
1.Y’all. We remain the only linguistic region in all of Christendom who has solved the problem of the second-person plural. Don’t even pretend like “you guys” covers it. Yinz? Please.
2. A devotion to manners. You’d simply rather perish than neglect to send a thank-you note, and your mother would teach you a lesson, young lady, if she heard you wore white shoes after Labor Day like some kind of monster. Also, there is no second date for the gentleman (“gentleman”) who neglects to pull out your chair.

Every sharp dressed man wears searsucker!
Every sharp dressed man wears seersucker!

3. Seersucker. And gingham, critter shorts, bow ties, madras, and linen.
4. Very, very passive aggression. Bless your heart.
5. Parties. Between the Kentucky Derby, Bonnaroo, Mardi Gras, SXSW, and Talladega, we’ve got your bucket list covered.
6. Weird superstitions. You don’t even like hoppin’ john but don’t want to chance not eating it on New Years Day. You could die.
7. Big-ass hair. Look, it’s humid. As everyone knows, the higher the hair, the closer to God. Right, Dolly?
8. Extreme friendliness. You know your mailman’s name, you chat with your bank teller about her mother’s well-being, you slow down traffic to let a stranger into your lane, and you cannot help but give anyone even remotely lost-looking directions.
9. The great unknown: doorknobs. If you’re a lady from the South, there’s absolutely no way you know what one of those feels like. I swear, I start to reach for one and boys come running from nowhere to make sure I’m not burdened with opening it for myself.
A delicious helping of Hoppin' John (served primarily on New Year's Day for good luck)!
A delicious helping of Hoppin’ John (served primarily on New Year’s Day for good luck)!

10. Biscuits. And church lady banana pudding, grits, sweet tea you can stand a spoon up in, and pot likker.
11. Boy ankles. They’re on display from Memorial Day to Labor Day and are a sign that the universe is as it ought to be.
12. The heat. Yeah, it’s miserable, but there’s a solid three weeks from mid-July to early August where no one expects you to do anything but complain about the heat and drink lemonade and you can basically show up to work in a bikini.
13. Sorghum. Molasses, honeysuckle, cane syrup, orange blossom honey. Who the hell needs Splenda when you’ve got options like that?
14. Bourbon
15. Day-drinking. In Des Moines, this is called “alcoholism,” but in Charleston, it’s just a nice Saturday afternoon with your grandparents.
16. Day-drinking on the swing on your screen porch. See above, only it’s at your own personal house.
17. Immediate sisterhood… with the girl from Nashville whom you met on a trip to [insert non-Southern location]. Who cares if you’re from Mobile? In Chicago, that girl from Raleigh that you don’t even like that much is as good as family.
Courtesy of Kirsten Schofield, Cosmopolitan Magazine

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