67.6 F

Heaton: Recognize the 5 Southern Warning Signs in a Discussion


Let’s imagine you’re an Ohio State Alumni as a guest on a golf trip down South. During a discussion about football (what else!), you’ve noticed that the room has suddenly cleared out, but cannot fathom why. Here’s a breakdown of what could have happened.

Guest: The Big 10 is the toughest football conference.

Member: That sticks in my throat like a hair on a biscuit.


Guest: I should know because I started a fantasy football league.

Member: My dog sleeps in the garage but that doesn’t make him a truck.


Guest: I would have played in high school but my mom made me quit.

Member: You know as much about football as a hog knows about Sunday.


Guest: I’m in the game, I’m an assistant coach in little league.

Member: If I want your opinion on football, I will unscrew the top of your head and dip it out.


Guest: The SEC is a bunch of overrated wussies.

Member: If you don’t stop, I’ll tear your arm off and beat you to death with the bloody stump.

Note: At this point, the room is empty.


Ladies might say, “Bless your heart”* after the first comment, and there would be no need for further discussion.

*Bless your heart: a term of concern or contempt. At the end of a phrase such as: “She likes her cocktails – bless her heart.” The phrase conveys a level of concern. On the other hand, if “Bless your heart” follows a statement by another person it is often meant to be in contempt. For example if someone said to a Southerner: “I don’t understand the fuss about college football.” The Southerner will likely respond with: “Why, bless your heart.” Translated to a northern dialect this means: “You are a freaking idiot.”

coverv2.0Tim Heaton is a HottyToddy.com contributor and can be reached at tim.h.heaton@gmail.com. His new book, “Momma n’ Em Said: The Treasury of Southern Sayings” is available on Amazon.

Most Popular

Recent Comments

scamasdscamith on News Watch Ole Miss
Frances Phillips on A Bigger, Better Student Union
Grace Hudditon on A Bigger, Better Student Union
Millie Johnston on A Bigger, Better Student Union
Binary options + Bitcoin = $ 1643 per week: https://8000-usd-per-day.blogspot.com.tr?b=46 on Beta Upsilon Chi: A Christian Brotherhood
Jay Mitchell on Reflections: The Square
Terry Wilcox SFCV USA RET on Oxford's Five Guys Announces Opening Date
Stephanie on Throwback Summer
organized religion is mans downfall on VP of Palmer Home Devotes Life to Finding Homes for Children
Paige Williams on Boyer: Best 10 Books of 2018
Keith mansel on Cleveland On Medgar Evans