Tuesday, September 26, 2023

Heaton: How to Meet Southern Belles on Spring Break


My sons, who were raised in New Jersey, are at the age where they’re asking for tips on meeting Southern girls. My advice is usually, “Why don’t you start with something easier, like getting accepted to Harvard.” Still, I can’t help but admire their ambition — they’ve apparently done some reconnoiter at the Grove.

There are a lot of dos, but only two don’ts that you will not recover from:

Save your Jeff Foxworthy jokes, et al, for the Jersey shore. Southern isn’t Redneck.

Likewise with your Southern accent. You sound like an idiot. I can’t even do it.

Southern girls are just like other girls, only just a little more so. Here is a short list of the dos:

Always open doors.

Always offer to pay.

Always push in / pull out her seat.

Always stand when she enters / exits a room.

Always remember that behind that sweet façade is a young lady that can field dress a deer, be nice.

coverv2.0Tim Heaton is a HottyToddy.com contributor and can be reached at tim.h.heaton@gmail.com. His new book, “Momma n’ Em Said: The Treasury of Southern Sayings” is available on Amazon.