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Heaton: 8 Southern Motivators to Help Drop Winter Weight for Swimsuit Season
You might be harder to kidnap with those extra winter pounds, but springtime means swimsuit season is right around the corner. If you’re going to ignore the bathroom scale, you might be hearing these comments poolside:
“Bless their heart, ….”
1. They have got Dunlap’s disease — his belly done lapped over his belt.
2. His ass must be hungry — it’s trying to eat his suit.
3. If he were an inch taller he’d be round.
4. It takes two dogs to bark at her.
5. You don’t get a round mouth by eating square meals.
6. The Piggy Wiggly hires a rodeo clown to distract him when grocery shopping.
7. When they stepped on the scale it said “To be continued.”
8. They are digging their grave with a gravy ladle.
Tim Heaton is a HottyToddy.com contributor and can be reached at tim.h.heaton@gmail.com. His new book, “Momma n’ Em Said: The Treasury of Southern Sayings” is available on Amazon.
| Sat, Aug 31 |  | vs Furman | W, 76-0 |
| Sat, Sep 7 |  | vs Middle Tennessee | W, 52-3 |
| Sat, Sep 14 |  | @ Wake Forest | W, 40-6 |
| Sat, Sep 21 |  | vs Georgia Southern | W, 52-13 |
| Sat, Sep 28 |  | vs Kentucky | L, 20-17 |
| Sat, Oct 5 |  | @ South Carolina | W, 27-3 |
| Sat, Oct 12 |  | vs LSU | L, 29-26 (2 OT) |
| Sat, Oct 26 |  | vs Oklahoma | W, 26-14 |
| Sat, Nov 2 |  | @ Arkansas | W, 63-35 |
| Sat, Nov 16 |  | vs Georgia | W, 28-10 |
| Sat, Nov 23 |  | @ Florida | L, 24-17 |
| Sat, Nov 30 |  | vs Mississippi State | W, 26-14 |