Friday, August 19, 2022

Heaton: 8 Southern Motivators to Help Drop Winter Weight for Swimsuit Season

You might be harder to kidnap with those extra winter pounds, but springtime means swimsuit season is right around the corner. If you’re going to ignore the bathroom scale, you might be hearing these comments poolside:

“Bless their heart, ….”

1. They have got Dunlap’s disease — his belly done lapped over his belt.

2. His ass must be hungry — it’s trying to eat his suit.

3. If he were an inch taller he’d be round.

4. It takes two dogs to bark at her.

5. You don’t get a round mouth by eating square meals.

6. The Piggy Wiggly hires a rodeo clown to distract him when grocery shopping.

7. When they stepped on the scale it said “To be continued.”

8. They are digging their grave with a gravy ladle.

coverv2.0Tim Heaton is a contributor and can be reached at His new book, “Momma n’ Em Said: The Treasury of Southern Sayings” is available on Amazon.


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