It’s the time of the year when we are scurrying around to find the perfect gift for Dad. We are a little desperate because, let’s face it, the gift we gave to Mom last month was only a moderate retail success. And we all know that mothers love anything and everything given to them by their offspring—even macaroni art! But dads are a bit more challenging.
Adult children usually select something they would like to have, namely electronic gadgets. After all, you can purchase the Zepp Golf 2 Swing Analyzer that will “evaluate his golf swing and coach him to PGA glory.” But what if your dad is not a golfer? Maybe he’d like an Apple watch so he could be even more connected in the digital age. But what if your dad still wears the same Fossil that he’s had since, well many Father’s Days ago? And he still can’t figure out how to set the date on it. Besides that, like the rest of us, he’s checking the time on his smart phone. Perhaps he would enjoy a Virtual Reality Headset. Let’s be honest, dad has mastered the TV remote and that’s about as technically savvy as he’s willing to become. Or what about the gift of DNA testing from Ancestry.com which will give him and you much information about your heritage? He already has enough ties.
According to Wikipedia, President Woodrow Wilson went to Spokane, Washington to speak at a Father’s Day celebration in 1916. He wanted to make it an officially recognized federal holiday, but Congress resisted, fearing that it would become commercialized. No kidding. But it was only a matter of time that fathers were recognized since President Wilson signed a proclamation in 1914 honoring mothers. It wasn’t until 1972 that President Richard Nixon made Father’s Day a permanent national holiday.
Of course, it didn’t take long before the gift-giving industries saw an easy opportunity to make both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day profitable holidays. Still, according to the National Retail Federation, Mother’s Day spending outranks Father’s Day spending. Why is this? I found it very interesting that it appears that only South Korea celebrates “Parents’ Day.” In the United States, there is a Parents’ Day. It’s the fourth Sunday of July. Who knew?
Bonding with dad takes many forms, often through sports and “manly” activities. I know I was fascinated when my dad worked on the family car and enjoyed hanging out with him while he got dirty and greasy. He also got frustrated and when I got older, I understood those words were not meant for my young ears.
A mother quickly forms a bond with her child when she learns she is pregnant. There is a 9-month “get-acquainted” period for mothers. Dad, however, has to wait until he holds his newborn in his arms. Oh sure, he can place his hands on the mother’s tummy to feel his baby moving. But it is that profound moment when dad cradles his child that fatherhood becomes real. Ask any stepfather if he loves his wife’s child any less because he came to fatherhood via a different path. I’m certain the answer is no.
My dad loved music and dancing, which he enjoyed sharing with me, the only daughter with two younger brothers. Dad was more indulgent than Mom and let me drive the family car at an early age. He was less likely to punish me and I was certainly less likely than my brothers to get into trouble. My brother insists that I never got spanked. My father passed away at the age of 54 so I never got to see him age. I’m sorry that he only got to meet his first grandchildren but not the ones that came later. One bears his name.
Trust me when I say it doesn’t matter if you give your dad a fancy or expensive gift. What does matter is that you spend time with him, that you are able to recount not only the fun times but the other times that impacted you and your father in a meaningful way. Life lessons learned at your father’s knee perhaps. Remember your father’s voice, your father’s laugh, how your father smells after he shaves. Sit down and talk with your father—and listen. You will learn a lot about him, about life in general, and about yourself and your heritage. In your later years, you will find yourself saying (and doing) many of the same things as your father. So be kind. Be grateful. Celebrate your father and take the time to patiently teach him how to use the new electronic gadget you gave him for Father’s Day!
Bonnie Brown is a retired staff member of the University of Mississippi. She most recently served as Mentoring Coordinator for the Ole Miss Women’s Council for Philanthropy.
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