Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Heaton: 8 Southern Ways to Heckle in SEC Baseball


For the record, I have never condoned heckling in baseball. It just doesn’t seem civilized. But then again, have you even seen a clip of the heckling on the floor of Parliament during a debate? There have been quieter riots.

Since baseball’s foundation is English, heckling must be civilized by association? In any case, heckling is not going away. So if you insist on doing it, be professional.

How? Do your research, limit alcohol and never shout something that can’t be printed in the town newspaper. Your goal is to entertain the fans in the stands. It’s all about wit — not abuse. Prepare for the game by sifting through Twitter, Facebook, and team bios for ideas. It easier than standup comedy — your audience can’t leave.

Here are 8 of the cleverest baseball heckles for all SEC fans:

1. Hey blue, if you had another eye, you’d be a cyclops!

2. Hey (player) Got any naked pictures of your coach?….. Wanna see some?

3. Hey blue, I’ve got your phone. It says you’ve missed 3 calls so far.

4. Hey (player), your glove has more holes in it than a Swiss cheese donut.

5. Hey (player), my duck can throw a bowling ball better than that!

6. Hey (player), your doctor called – he wants his glove back!

7. Hey nice play, Shakespeare!

8. Hey (player) check the roster, you might be left-handed!

Lagniappe: The legendary umpire Bill Klem, when asked by a manager if a ball was fair or foul said: “It ain’t nothing until I call it.”

coverv2.0Tim Heaton is a HottyToddy.com contributor and can be reached at tim.h.heaton@gmail.com. His new book, “Momma n’ Em Said: The Treasury of Southern Sayings” is available on Amazon.