Tuesday, January 31, 2023

The Oxford, Mississippi Dictionary

dictionary coverNeeded nomenclature for a growing community.

As I traverse Oxford’s highways, byways, sidewalks, and barstools, I observe things and acts that The Oxford English Dictionary doesn’t define. This dearth in accepted terminology leads to drawn-out explanations when referencing these phenomena. Our burgeoning community busts at its seams with growth, and so must our collective vocabulary.

So, I endeavor to begin a supplementary lexicon. This collection of terms will be known as The Oxford, Mississippi Dictionary*. 

I’ll start with a few words that I hope will allow us to more clearly communicate:

roundaboob, n 

A driver unfamiliar with navigation of a simple traffic roundabout, typically bearing a license plate from exotic, faraway climes as disparate as Illinois and Calhoun County. Despite possessing the right of way, will stop dead still on roundabout to give right of way to someone else, not out of courtesy but out of ignorance.

squared stupid, adj. 

Lacking sense or logic in navigating the Oxford Square. May stop while circling the courthouse, like a roundaboob, despite not needing to stop, or may zoom on into the fray from any direction, without looking and without regard to actual right of way. Example: Driver traveling north on South Lamar Boulevard passes Proud Larrys’, then turns sharp left to drive down one-way Van Buren. See roundaboob.

treetheist, n.

A person without faith in Ole Miss football who decides to remain in the Grove after kickoff of a football game. Worships trees, doubts Rebel football.

crescent moon, n.

The bottom curvature of the posterior of a coed, exposed to the cosmos by shorts that are intentionally too short.

— Tad Wilkes, tad.wilkes@hottytoddy.com

* This is not a book. Yet.

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